Admissions Officer Advice: Making Your Essays Shine

Webinar Transcription

2024-09-05 – Admissions Officer Advice: Making Your Essays Shine

Lydia: Hello, everyone. Welcome to Admissions Officer Advice, Making Your Essays Shine. My name is Lydia Hollon, and I’m going to be your moderator tonight. I’m a senior advisor at CollegeAdvisor, and I’ve been with the company for about three years now. And in addition to advising students, I’m also the proud co captain of our essay review team here.

I’m also a graduate of New York University, and in addition to my work with CollegeAdvisor, I’m an education consultant and a former high school teacher. To orient everyone with the webinar timing for tonight, we’re going to start off with a presentation, then answer your questions in a live Q& A. On the sidebar, you can download our slides and start submitting questions in the Q& A tab.

We’ll also be recording this session so that you can review the webinar again later. Now, let’s meet our presenter.

Thanks so much, Lydia. Hi, everyone. Good evening, good morning, or good afternoon, depending on where you are in the world. I am Aya Waller-Bey, a former Georgetown University admissions officer.

Just to tell you a little bit about my background, I am a proud Detroiter, born and raised in the city of Detroit, and a proud first generation college student. I studied sociology at the University of Michigan. I’m sorry, I’m getting my PhD in sociology at the University of Michigan, but I studied sociology also at Georgetown University, where I went to undergrad.

Shortly after graduating, I became an admissions officer there. I also did the multicultural recruitment. I read applications for students based in the Midwest, Michigan, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois. I also did our African American recruitment. Shortly after my tenure there, I moved over to England as a recipient of the Gates Cambridge Scholarship and got my Master’s in the Philosophy of Education at the University of Cambridge.

While in England, I became a alumni interviewer where I interviewed prospective applicants in the Metro London area. As I’ve said earlier, I’m now finishing my PhD in sociology at the University of Michigan, where I actually study the college admissions essay. So I’ve been with CollegeAdvisor just over three years now, looking forward to talking to you more about how to make your essay shine and to answer your questions at the end of our conversation.

Hi Lydia, I can’t hear you if you’re speaking.

While Lydia is troubleshooting, if you all can hear me, there was just a poll on the screen about what grade you’re in, so you can just click the poll to indicate where you are so we can have a better understanding of how you’re joining the conversation. I think there he is.

Lydia: Yeah. Okay, great. Thank you for explaining to everyone.

So, um, while you all are answering that poll, uh, Aya, I would love to know, since you’re currently doing a PhD on the personal statement, what is the most interesting thing that you have found in your research so far?

Ooh, that’s a great question. Um, so many things. That’s why I’m writing this basically book on it right now.

Um, I think one of the most interesting things I found is actually through my interviews with admissions officers at private universities across the country where. Oftentimes I hear students, and maybe Lydia, you’ve heard students say this, that they felt like people or admissions officers want them to write about struggle and trauma.

Um, and my admissions officer participants often say that they don’t want students to feel like they need to write about trauma, and that they genuinely want authentic essays from students about topics they find important or interesting. So, there’s often seems to be, there’s like these missed messages where students assume admissions officers want to hear about trauma, And pain and struggle while admissions officers say we want to hear all types of stories and we want students to You know, write about stories that they think are important to them, not write essays that they think we want to read.

Lydia: Yeah, I think that’s a great point, and definitely a common misconception that adds an unnecessary, I think, layer of pressure for a lot of students because they feel like they have to touch on the, you know Darkest moment in their lives and sometimes you don’t have a super dark moment in your life to talk about So looking at the response to the poll We’ve got 50 percent in 12th grade and 50 percent in that other or parent category.

So you’re definitely in the right place This is a great time to be working on those personal statements in September earlier in the college application process tailoring those. So I’ll go ahead and pass it off to you now, Aya, to jump into the presentation.

Fantastic. Thanks, Lydia. All right. So it’s time to kind of talk a little bit again about how to make your essays shine.

So first and foremost, it’s important to just establish what types of essays students have to write for college. You know, I think it’s really important to start out this, this part of the conversation because we don’t want to assume what parents and students know about the process. So first we have the college personal statement.

It’s the statement or the essay we just referenced in our conversation. It’s also the statement you hear the most about. So the personal statement is that one 650 word essay that you write, um, that showcases your voice, your writing skills, reveal depth, add context, and response to one of the seven questions that the common app has.

There’s also other contexts where you’re writing the college personal statement. For example, My alma mater, Georgetown University, is not on the Common App, so there is a Tell Us About Yourself essay that will serve as your college personal statement. Typically, again, it’s one essay that you submit to all the schools on your list that require the college personal statement.

Therefore, there is no need to kind of specify, this is why I want to attend, you know, Xavier University, etc., because you’re going to submit it Send that same essay to all the other schools. The second essay is a supplement or supplemental essay. And those are additionally, you know, are additional essays that really invite students to write about a variety of topics, but they’re often using very school specific props.

So these are essays that universities invite students to write about that responds to, you know, why you want to attend a certain university, why you want to study a particular academic major, at some institutions. I believe it’s Stanford that has a write a letter to your roommate. So these are opportunities for colleges to create specialized essay questions to really get to see how students are fitting with the culture, the ethos of the school.

So unlike the personal statement supplements are required by only some colleges, universities, and again are used to highlight fit. Those essays can range anywhere from a thousand words to two words or one word. So they really vary. Um, they often, you know, they could be quirky, they could be serious. So you really want to look at the schools that you’re interested in, look up their websites, look at their common app profiles to see if they require a supplement.

And then lastly is the scholarship essay. So these are again, less common for college applications. I mean, students are applying to scholarships all the time. They’re writing scholarship essays all the time. However, uh, You might or might not encounter the scholarship essay during the actual application process, but students may be invited to write additional essay for merit based scholarships or grants.

So that’s another type of, you know, why do you need the scholarship? What would you use, you know, the scholarship for? Those types of essays. So I’m thinking about that. What is the significance of the college essay? So the college essay has a lot of significance, actually. I mean, first and foremost, it has that unique touch.

It allows students to speak directly to admissions offices and officers. I often say there are so many pieces and components of a college application where you Have other people speaking for you, right? So you have your teachers writing letters of recommendation. You have counselors writing letters of recommendation.

You have your grades, which is, you know, a record of the past. And you have transcripts. I’m sorry. You have your SAT scores or ACT scores, which represent you taking an exam at a very specific moment. The college essay really allows you to use your voice to speak directly to the admissions offices and it provides an opportunity to tell your story in your own words.

It adds qualitative information to your application, so you have again grades and test scores, but it allows to add color to the application and can provide additional context about your background, identity, passions, and circumstances. And again, in some institutions too, they use it actually as a writing sample, so just making sure that students have a command of writing.

So what factors make for a great essay and how can students stand out? So this, these two questions are happen. We hear them a lot. Students are often wondering, how can I stand out? How could I send out? And one thing, if you recall my antidote earlier about the people I’ve interviewed for my dissertation, you know, students really should worry less about standing out and worry more about being authentic.

Okay. A great college essay. prevents information that’s focused, it’s thoughtful, you use specific concrete examples to convey your points, focusing on examples of the present and your past, right? So you really, I know sometimes students talk about experiences that happened when they were much younger, perhaps when they were in preschool or something, that may have contributed to their own kind of growth and transformation.

But in telling stories, it’s really important to kind of think through, like, how does that affect you now, given the stage of your life cycle, right? Um, a great college essay also tells admissions officers about themselves, or tells admissions officers about the student, right? So your personal triumphs, your challenges, your leadership opportunities, experiences outside the classroom, but also inside the classroom.

It demonstrates, of course, good use of grammar. So, these are just some of the components that really make a great college essay. In addition, you know, a great college essay also answers the question, right? That is incredibly important in the case of supplements. If an essay asks you, you know, why are you interested in applying, you know, to the College of Arts and Sciences, tell us about your major, And what you hope to get out of, you know, attending University of Michigan, make sure you are answering every part of that question, right?

Focusing on what they’re asking. Don’t overthink it, just answer the question. A great college essay also effectively describes how the experience detailed has led to personal growth, or understanding, or belongingness, or a way that demonstrates maturity and character, open mindedness. It’s just not enough to just tell a story.

You know, I can be here all night telling you stories and when I was five this or when high school this happened to me. What is the so what, right? So why should we care? What do you want your audience to walk away knowing about you, learning about you, okay? So thinking about that it’s really important.

Again, that’s not the same as saying I’m writing to appease this admissions officer, it means that you want to be thoughtful and intentional, right? The so what should be clear in anything that you write, whether it’s for school or for college admissions. A good essay or a great college essay, uh, rather reflects students voice.

Of course, it should be polished, free of major grammatical errors and typos. But it shouldn’t necessarily read like a college professor wrote it, right? You want to make sure it is indicative of your voice. We recognize that there’s increased use of artificial intelligence and technologies to support Um, drafts and outlines and there are pros and cons of using, you know, those resources.

However, I have read enough essays by a CollegeAdvisor through my own research through other areas of my life to know when it’s not a student has wrote it. Um, or if it was completely generated by some type of chatbot. So you really want to really use this opportunity to write the essay in your voice.

Of course, you want it to sound professional. Um, you do want to make sure that this is something that is putting your best foot forward. Okay. So with that in mind, what are some common mistakes? to avoid in your college essay. So this is a really common piece. And I think sometimes folks struggle with kind of navigating this tension, writing essays that focus on other people.

So there might be an essay that asks, you know, who inspires you and why? So you want to write this beautiful story about your grandpa. However, The essay or the university or institution also wants to know more about you. Like the why they inspire you, how they inform you is very important. So it’s not just a whole story about your, your grandfather fighting in the Korean war.

It’s also a story about you. So making sure that you’re telling stories that when I finished reading a story that talks about how much your grandpa inspired you. That I don’t walk away saying, I really want to admit grandpa and I’ve forgotten about you. So again, you really want to make sure your essay is still focused on you.

Uh, writing your resume in essay form. So of course, students are a part of endless clubs, opportunities, leadership, summer programs, summer camps. They’re athletes, they have jobs, they tutor, they mentor, they babysit. That is beautiful. However, your essay is not the place to just list out all your activities.

Your essay needs to be cohesive. It is a narrative driven prose, okay? So it shouldn’t simply just be, and then I did this, and then I did, you know, you really want to make sure it’s not just your accomplishments and activities. There is on the Common App a place for you to list your honors, five of them, and also 10 activities.

There’s also those supplement essays that I mentioned where there might be an opportunity for that. There also might be opportunities for your teachers or your counselors or whoever else who might write a letter of recommendation to do that bragging for you. But the essay isn’t simply just a list of, you know, accomplishments.

Even if you are writing a narrative or a story about something you achieved, the essay is just not, you know, a bullet point list of your accomplishments. Um, and I’ll talk more about this later. You want to also avoid mentioning experiences without describing them. So just dropping it. You know, I went to summer camp and then I went to the mall and it’s like, What happened?

Tell us a story. Paint the picture. Um, another common mistake is exaggeration or fabrication. Like, you really want to be honest, okay? Um, you really want to make sure that you are just telling the truth, um, and that you are just not exaggerating. And I understand, this is a narrative. So there are some creative licenses that students take.

They use metaphors and similes and there’s quotes and there’s integration of all types of creative elements, which is fine. However, don’t lie about something that didn’t happen, you know, don’t take credit for something that you shouldn’t take credit for. So, you know, integrity is incredibly, incredibly important.

Other mistakes to avoid in college essays, the overly use of a thesaurus. Naturally, students wanted to, again, put their best foot forward. If they feel like they’ve used share too much, you know, in the essay, share, share, share, tell, tell, tell, they might use inform, you know, I’ve seen it. I’m again, I’m writing the 80, 000 word dissertation right now.

I’m like, Oh man, I use the word tell or said, or, you know, too much. So I’m thinking like, okay, should I use informed highlight, emphasize, et cetera. So recognizing that synonyms are fine, but when you’re, you know, throwing in a four syllable word and it does not fit or does it is not appropriate in the context that can read very wonky, difficult to read, uh, and it also feels like, hmm, did they write this?

You also want to avoid complex sentences that can be written as multiple smaller sentences. I’m raising my hand because I struggle with this. I’m writing an article right now and I’m like, Ooh, these sentences are very long. So just making sure that your one intro sentence is an entire paragraph or five lines, you know, sometimes diversifying the sentence lift can add, uh, make it an essay or story more easily, uh, kind of accessible to the reader.

So just thinking about that. Another common mistake, um, to avoid is negativity or excuses. Now, I think it’s important to acknowledge something bad could have happened to you. I mean, I don’t know one person that did not have something bad happen to them. That’s unfortunately life. However, if you write an entire essay where there’s no except and it’s talking about what other people did to you and how you have been wronged and there’s no accountability, um, it just, it becomes a Debbie downer.

It also makes, you know, the reader and admissions officers wonder like your type, your disposition. Um, you also just, again, You want to, if you’re going to mention a negative experience, you want to show growth or what you’ve learned, right? So if you got cut from the basketball team your sophomore year, you might want to talk about, you know, and you choose to write about that.

You, you can’t just focus on I got cut because the coach didn’t like me and even though I practice all the time, you need to, how did you, what did you learn from that? Right? Uh, so just thinking about how you frame your story and also common mistake, using AI artificial tools to write your essays. As I mentioned earlier, we recognize that this is a reality, uh, and the time we’re in and that students might use them to outline.

Proofread, I’ve seen students use it for, um, but there is a particular, uh, style and cadence of chat GBT writing. I’ve played around with the, the platform quite a bit. I paid for the upgraded program to play around with it because I wanted to see the output so I can just become better at discerning. Now, I don’t really, uh, think that a lot of missions officers are going to spend, you know, 30 minute type, like, You know, trying to figure out if the essay was written by chat to BT, but it’s 650 words.

It’s about your life and your story and your experiences. If you cannot write 650 words about your life, your stories and experiences, I really want you to do some introspection, right? So really take that opportunity to speak to the admissions officers and really talk from your heart, from your background, from your experiences.

You don’t need to. You know, a I to write your personal statement for you.

Lydia: Yeah, I think that’s a great point. Um, as someone on the essay review team at CollegeAdvisor, um, I mean, I, that’s something that we’ve definitely been thinking about and talking about is how do we, um, Make sure that students aren’t abusing, um, AI and chat GPT, um, in their essay writing.

So, it’s definitely an important issue and I would love to see if anybody has any questions about that, um, later. Um, I’ll go ahead and open the poll. So, I’m, I would love to know for the people who are listening to our webinar tonight, where are you in the application process. I know that we’re talking about essays tonight.

So I’m curious if currently a lot of the people joining us are currently working on their essays. But I would definitely like to also just plug that something that I really love about CollegeAdvisor is the fact that we have an essay review team and that we are able to get that kind of direct feedback.

Um, and a lot of the advisors that work here also are really great at helping students. Kind of draw out their specific story so that you don’t feel like you have to rely on ChatGPT to generate a personal statement for you, because like Aya said, you really don’t want to rely on AI to Try and describe who you are as a person because AI doesn’t know those things.

They can’t find that from looking on the internet or pulling from internet archives. So, looking at our responses, it seems like 50 percent are in the researching schools phase, 25 percent are working on their essays, which makes sense for the purpose of this webinar, and 25 percent are getting their application materials together.

Alright, I will pass it back to you now, Aya, so that you can jump back into the presentation.

Fantastic. Thanks again. Um, so yeah, so moving forward, how can students write creatively about themselves while still being clear and concise? Again, another very popular question as students try to navigate standing out and of course making their essays shine.

First and foremost, as something I’ve learned from my interview participants for my research, but also just during my time being a missions officer and working with CollegeAdvisors, that it’s incredibly important that students prioritize being authentic. That means writing in natural voice, um, you know, engaging, um, the reader through their personality.

And, you know, I know I struggle. with my writing projects when I’m trying to mimic a style that doesn’t feel true to myself. Like when I’m trying to imitate, I’m like, okay, I am a strong believer that in order to be a better writer, you need to read more. I think reading other people’s writing is actually in very, it’s really important and it really informs our vocabulary and our style.

However, It is important to try not to overthink this process. Just let it flow, you know, so be authentic. Um, some students and I, I just read my college personal statement that I wrote a very long time ago, um, recently, and I was a fan of using metaphors and analogies. So, you know, these can add creativity and depth to your writing without being overly complex.

Like, for an example, comparing a personal growth experience to a plant growing, right? You know, that might sound cliche, but there’s other ways that students beautifully integrate metaphors and analogies into their essays. Also, keep it personal, and you might say, like, duh. However, I think more people than we may even realize struggle with writing about themselves.

The example I gave earlier about writing an essay about grandpa because he was such an inspiration to you, again my grandpa was an inspiration to me, uh, but it’s easier to write about other people sometimes than it is to write about ourselves. So, you know, a really great way to be, you know, creatively, concise, and clear is ensure it’s centered around you.

Again, your essay should ultimately reveal something significant about your character and your values, so make sure it’s talking about you. This is an opportunity where you can use I. This is not a, you know, an academic class essay for AP English. You can write about yourself. You can say I. You also can, you know, vary your sentence structure.

I mentioned this earlier. Short, punchy sentences, long and more detailed ones, add rhythm, make your writing interesting, and just make it more enjoyable and easier to read. So it makes it more accessible. So those are some of the ways to be creative. So in thinking about how to edit your essays effectively, this is another piece that is incredibly important.

This also means that in order to effectively edit your essay, you must have your time management under control, right? So this requires students to plan, to write essays well in advance of the deadline. I’m speaking slowly because high school students, I was one of them, tend to procrastinate. And at the last hour, panic, panic, panic.

And it’s very hard to proofread. Or edit something when you’re writing it 16 minutes before the deadline. Okay. So, um, one thing of strategy, I know a lot of folks have truly trans, like just gone completely over to, uh, Google docs, but I still like to use, uh, Microsoft Word, especially for very long form things.

Uh, they have a great read allow feature, which I, uh, I use, especially when things are longer, because. I just get tired of reading them and I want to hear it right to me. It allows you to catch things that your eyes cannot catch. Again, proofreading, proofreading, proofreading, you know, a great example of that I like to use is this, this kind of story here where, you know, a student writes, I enjoy torturing animals.

I have volunteered to torture animals at a local shelter since eighth grade. And the experiences solidified my desire to become a veterinarian. So, a student writing about torturing animals. Based on the context clues, they didn’t mean torturing, that meant training, right? However, you know, torturing is spelled correctly in both instances, and because they wrote the essay, their eyes, their brain saw training.

So, the brain just kept replacing torturing with training. So, this is why proofreading is so important. Um, and also, this is why finishing early, so you can take at least 24 hours before reviewing it again. Again, I just wrote an op ed, and I will send So like, I was like, Oh, I want to send it to the editor.

Like right now I told myself, no, you finished it today. Take a look at it tomorrow. Review it once again with fresh eyes, then submit it to the editor. Um, students can edit their essays effectively. Uh, also by just eliminating redundancies, right? So removing repetitive or unnecessary words and sentences, right.

Aiming to be concise while retaining the core message of your essay is very important. Sometimes students are. It’s like that, you know, when you get a writing assignment and you have to write 500 words and you get to, you know, word 400 and you’re like, Oh man, I don’t know how I’m going to extend this longer.

So you start to repeat yourself and there’s a lot of repetition and redundancy. So you want to be mindful of that in your essay. You also, you know, editing can, you know, help you, you know, strengthen that introduction and conclusion. So, making sure your introduction is grabbing the reader’s attention and also kind of setting the main point up.

This is not that traditional five paragraph essay that you write in high school, right? However, there’s the same, you know, this idea of having a thesis statement or a premise that tells the reader where you’re headed is very important. Again, your conclusion should provide a sense of closure. Um, and it, you know, your essay shouldn’t just trail off and we’re like, what happened?

Or so what? Right? You want to make sure that we walk away with the so what, why we should care what we learned about you or from the experiences you talked about. Um, editing your essay also effectively focus on word choice. Again, using precise language, um, use stronger, more descriptive words. Avoid overloading your essay with complex vocabulary.

We talked a little bit about that already with the source and just using so many words that are just unnecessary. You, your readers are going to be diverse as far as their own academic backgrounds and professional experiences, even if you are applying to a biology program, and there’s particular type of research that you want to do, you know, your readers won’t necessarily be botanists, you know, so, you know, You want to make sure that jargon or sometimes I see students, um, who might, uh, write essays that have quotes or phrases in different languages, but they don’t translate them.

So, you know, your reader emissions reviewer might not Arabic. So you really want to make sure things are clear to the reader. And also, have a teacher, counselor, or someone you trust review the statement, you know, again, starting early helps because if you’re applying early, and it’s Halloween, and the deadline is November 1st, email your teacher at 5.

45pm. Saying, can you please take a look at that? You might not get a response, right? So you really want to make sure you get the people in your social sphere that you know influences or Supports your application process give them enough time to provide the best feedback. Okay? Have a teacher a counselor a mentor if you’re working with CollegeAdvisor your advisor or your admissions officer, etc Have them Review, uh, the statement and provide feedback.

So now, um, one question that happens, or we get a lot here at CollegeAdvisor, I’m sure Lydia would agree, is like, what are the essays that have stood out to, to me, to us, to admissions officers, uh, and advisors? I, I find essays that are reflective, introspective, To be very thoughtful, these are essays that reflect student ambition and growth, that highlight student tenacity, and also paint colorful photos of the human experience.

I am telling you, so many students underestimate, um, the value of students writing about the jobs that they had. And again, and I’m not saying like, Oh, I had a summer job and I worked in a circus, like, which is really cool and really interesting. And I’m sure it would be, it will stand out in a sense of how many students have worked in a circuit, but it’s also students who worked at the local convenience store or their gas station or the shoe store or Jimmy John’s or coffee shops, uh, and they’re talking about their interactions, what they learn, the people they see, what they smell, what they, you know, I just think that’s beautiful.

Um, I, there was one story. Um, there was a student who wrote about, uh, she was actually a comedian. Uh, she was a stand up comic, and I thought it was super interesting because, I mean, again, I don’t really know too many stand up comics who are in high school, right? Um, and she’s also a young woman. Uh, I think they’re probably even more rare, but she just talked about humor and the way that it connects to, you know, people, um, and how it can help change and transform the energy in a room.

Again, the idea of painting that colorful photo of the human experience I thought was really beautiful and well done. So those are the types of essays that stand out to me. So with that in mind, here again are just some final tips before we kind of transition to the Q& A. Um, first and foremost, again, show don’t tell.

So instead of saying, I learned a lot volunteering at the animal shelter, try something like While feeding the sick puppies with the other volunteers, shelter volunteers, I learned the importance of teamwork and compassion. So you’re talking a little bit more about what you did and what you learned and how you learned it versus just saying, I just, I just volunteered at this animal shelter.

Again, that’s a very, thank you for sharing. What else? What about it? Why are you telling us this? Right? So you want them to know you learn these particular values and you learn these values through these particular needs. Secondly, you know, share lessons learned. Again, not enough just to say. You know, I went bowling and I joined the bowling team.

Detail how the experience you write inform your future, the type of student you will be at college, what you learn about yourself, what you learn about others. Why, like, why is that important? Again, share lessons learned. Of course, as I just talked about, proofread. You know, there’s all types of technologies, grammarly, friends, family, teachers, counselors, CollegeAdvisor team members, you know, Microsoft Word, Read Aloud.

I’m sure there’s a plug in on Google Docs. Make sure you’re proofreading. And again, tell your own story. The college personal statement, the college essay is about you, right? About your own experiences, not someone else’s, and make sure those words are coming from you and not some chat box or a parent. You know, you get very few opportunities to speak directly to admissions officers in your college application.

So really take advantage of having that space in retail when writing your college admissions essay.

Lydia: Okay, thank you Aya for going over that. Um, I know that that taught me a lot, even though I’m on the essay review team. So I’m sure that the people listening at home learned a lot as well. Um, that concludes the presentation section of our webinar. I hope that you all found the information helpful. And also remember, if you missed anything, you could download the slides using the link in the handouts tab, as well as watch the recording after we’re done.

Now we’re going to transition into the live Q and A, where I’m going to read questions that you all submit and give Aya a chance to answer. And since I’m on the essay review team, I might. jump in from time to time as well. As a heads up, if your Q& A tab isn’t working, just, uh, make sure that you join the webinar through the custom link in your email and not from the webinar landing page.

All right, so let’s go ahead and jump in. So the first question I have for you, Aya, is you talked a lot about the importance of showing, not telling, and using imagery. I was wondering, is there such thing as too much detail that someone can include in their essay?

Thanks, Lydia, for that question. I think the short answer is, is yes, there is a such thing as too much imagery.

If you spend the entire essay, um, being descriptive while not adding substance or leaving the reader to walk away saying, So what? Like, why should I care? What did I learn? I do think it could be overkill. So just being mindful, and there’s an appropriate use of imagery. I do like the idea of setting the scene, setting the stage for the reader.

So when you’re describing a moment you were afraid or a moment you were overwhelmed or a moment, um, you were excited. Describing that, that painting, that picture in detail, as in telling us what you saw, what you smelt, what you heard, really thinking about the senses, I think that’s really rich and important and colorful.

However, the entire essay should not be about, um, Describing the sweat dripping down your forehead and you know, you’re already at word 595 and we still don’t know what else is happening, why we should care. So there is a balance that I think students need to walk up in order to have a effective. Um, essay.

Lydia: Yeah, I definitely think it’s, it’s difficult, but I also think it’s helpful to have people who are not the person, who are not you reading the essay as well to figure out if you’re including too much detail because sometimes you need a second perspective to figure out, okay, is this a detail that’s actually necessary for the story or am I kind of just dragging it out a little bit?

Another question that I have is, can you just describe a little bit more how much weight essays have in the admissions process compared to other components like the transcript or standardized test scores?

Great question. We like to say, you know, those of us in the college admissions space, that the most important component of the college application is.

The transcript. The transcript is a record of achievement. It shows rigor, it shows the courses you take. It shows your strengths and it shows your interests and it, it shows how you performed over a period of time. So that’s why it’s, it’s so important. Um, and as far as. You know, where the essay fits into this larger application piece.

So many schools have changed or shifted policies around standardized testing. So if your school requires testing or you’re choosing to submit test scores, those are also important, right? Um, that quantitative hard data for those who consider it as such. So the essay really, when I asked admissions officers in my research, where the essay kind of falls one through five, a lot of folks said, Number three, right?

So right in the middle. These are particularly for schools who practice holistic admissions. Holistic admissions being, uh, admissions policies where the institutions are taken to consideration, not just grades and test scores are looking at background, leadership, um, community service, letters of recommendation, uh, again, identity, all of that.

college going status. There is a full photo, right? Full picture. So the essay is important, right? That’s a part of the largest profile, uh, for institutions that don’t practice holistic admissions, where they just like grades and test scores, you’re in grades, test scores, you’re not in, um, essay is less important.

So with that being in mind, I think the essay is important. You know, I think about a university ask or particularly requires you to submit something. It’s important It will be evaluated in some shape or form I tell you this with the there’s so many Every year there’s an increase in applications particularly for you know, some of our more selective institutions So the capacity is low, you know So if they are asking you to submit something it’s not because they’re Um, you know, it’s for fun.

They really want to, they’re, they’re, they’re going to consider it. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask for it. They just don’t have time for that. So, I’ll say the essay is important, but most important is the grades, your, your high school transcript. Um, the essay is also important in a sense of, again, when you’re applying to college, you’ve already, you know, your grades from sophomore year, unless you have a time machine.

that I don’t know about. And if you do, please send me a message because I will love it. But unless you have a time machine, you cannot go back and change your software like biology. Great. However, you can, you know, write the essay that you want to write in present time. So it’s also important because it allows it complements the application.

It can talk about circumstances. You can use it to expose things that you may have endured or Opportunities that your grades or test scores don’t really reflect. So it can really help compliment and add depth. And, you know, I’ve heard admissions officers say that essays used to, I can use the essay to advocate for a student.

Like, maybe they did get that B, you know, but look at what they’ve done. Look at what they accomplished. Look at what they’ve endured. So the essay, I think, is actually quite important. I know that was a very long response, but it’s nuanced. It’s a very yes and you know type of question. So

Lydia: no, I think you gave it the appropriate amount of time that it deserves.

Um, so another question that we got is a lot of students are told that they need to write in a professional way when they’re writing their essays, but I’m curious for students who maybe speak a different dialect of English than is considered, quote unquote, professional. Should they be writing in a way that they would normally speak or should they write in the standard academic or professional way?

For example, a student that normally speaks in AAVE or African American vernacular English, should they be writing to sound like themselves or sound like how they see people write when they read personal statement examples?

That’s a fantastic question. And I think, uh, the sociologist in me wants to go on a rant about code switching, but, um, um, so I’ll say this.

With anything that we do, we need to remember our audience and the purpose, right? So, there are time and places for all types of performances of self and how we show up in spaces. If your goal, uh, is to write a essay to get into college, which is a serious matter, um, I do think it should be taken seriously and that you should be trying to put your best foot forward.

Now, does that mean you should eliminate, again, authentic aspects of how you show up in spaces, the way you speak? Not necessarily. There are ways that it can be appropriately integrated into the personal statement. However, you are not sending a text message to your friend, right? You are applying, um, to a college or university.

They’re, they’re reading thousands, and in some cases, tens of thousands of applications. Um, so you do want to be appropriate, right? That’s like when you send an email to your professor. I am not writing an email to my professor like I would send to, let’s just say Lydia, who like, you know, Lydia and I are friends.

I’m not like. Writing my professor saying, hey girl, like, how’s your day? That is not how I’m speaking to my professor. Even if that’s how I would normally speak to Lydia or one of my good close friends, right? Does that mean when I text when I write my professor and say good evening, you know, you know, dr.

Holland You know i’m writing to does that mean i’m like less of me? No, that’s me acknowledging that this is a professor This is a serious situation and that you know, there’s a time and a place so I said all of that to say um Professionalism is definitely deeply coded about like what that means. I just want students to recognize there’s a time and place.

There might be words that may be less appropriate because the essay is not a text message. The essay is not a diary. So you just want to be mindful of how you write your story. You want to make sure the people who can read it understand it. And recognizing the people behind the desk may not understand some of the cultural nuances.

Um, what you’re saying. So you just want to make sure that that professor from the school of engineering that happens to end up on your admissions committee knows what you’re talking about and that they can understand it. So that will be my advice to a student. But I think that’s a fantastic question.

Lydia: Yeah, I think I think that’s great advice. Um, and it’s something that I have definitely had to wrestle with with students that I’ve worked with in the past, because especially if, you know, That is a major part of, you know, who you are and how you identify. It can feel kind of difficult to divorce yourself of speaking in that way for the purpose of applying to college.

Um, I, it makes me think of, um, a student that I work with a few admission cycles ago, um, who spoke in Spanish, like she. Frequently went back and forth between Spanish and English and a lot of the words that the sentences that she would speak, for example, kind of were a blend of the two languages. Um, and so her, um, common upper personal statement kind of was a reflection of how she like straddles these two cultures, right?

And some, some of the words that she used in her personal statement were Spanglish, but, and I don’t think that there, it’s always wrong to incorporate some words from your dialect or from your culture, but like Aya said, you have to be mindful of what is considered professional or academic in the context of the school that you’re applying to, and can you expect the reader that you’re speaking to, to actually understand what these words mean, which means that if you use a specific term or slang from your, you know, specific culture, your specific dialect, you might need to provide more context than if you wrote it in a different way.

And sometimes that can be an authentic way to represent yourself, but you don’t want the whole essay to necessarily be written in a way that’s authentic. that is only completely clear to a very specific group of people. Um, I think a good example of people who can kind of incorporate language from a certain group while also demonstrating their ability to write in a way that’s considered professional or academic is, for example, Toni Morrison.

There’s, you know, you’re able to show examples of how people speak within that community, but when you take yourself out of the actual dialogue, you can see that there’s a way that she is writing that is understandable to the general population. And so I think if you are the kind of student that wants to kind of reflect how people speak within your community, it’s important to kind of see yourself as the narrator.

And the narrator speaks in a way that would be considered quote unquote neutral or academic or professional, but your dialogue that you incorporate here and there may be more so a reflection of how you speak or the people in your life speak.

Yeah, and what Lydia mentions here, a point I wanted to make is, it’s a matter of intentionality.

Like you’re being intentional about how you’re speaking the shifts you’re making in your language You’re pivoting if you’re trying to point out the differences or the tension between again being caught in these two worlds or learning You know say but a certain language is their second language or how you speak at home is different than how you speak at school Etc.

There’s intentionality about incorporating those different like versions of uh of speech, right? So just being mindful of that.

Lydia: So another question that we’ve got is How can a student effectively maintain the reader’s interest throughout their entire essay, especially considering that admissions officers are reading so many different personal statements each day?

Yeah, that’s a great question. Um, because frankly, depending on the size of the institution, they may not Regardless of how interesting it is, they may not just have the capacity to read the whole thing.

I mean, this is why people often, and I said this in my conversation, you probably see advice about this online. So make sure that introduction is catchy, catchy and like interesting because it’s a not, it’s a, uh, acknowledging that folks are just, Swamped. I mean, I wish I could recall the number of applications I read a day, but it was a lot and we read paper applications.

So I had stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of files in my office. It was, it was like a movie. Like, I feel like I had to like climb out of it to like, um, go home every day. Uh, but nonetheless, again, some of the tips that I provided earlier really respond to this, this idea of again, making sure you have a strong introduction.

Making sure your essay is written in a really thoughtful and compelling narrative prose and what I mean by that It’s just like stylistically it again. It’s not a you know Academic essay from your 10th grade English class. It is not Just a list of achievements in accomplishments Um, it’s not a poem, it’s not, um, a diary, you know?

Well, there, I think there’s ways to creatively write it like a dire in, uh, entry. It is not a diary in the sense of how you disclose looks differently. Um, so you really just want to, um, make sure you’re answering the question, making sure that you are using examples, making sure you are being specific.

Make sure you, um. image imagery where appropriate, make sure you are concise, make sure that, as I said earlier, your sentence structure varies, um, make sure that it’s proofread, you know, proofread because one thing too that is distracting if there’s so many typos and misspelled words, It’s frustrating to the reader, even if they want to read it.

It’s like, I can’t keep doing this. And then they need to move on. So, um, yeah, so those are just again, some of the tips that I share early in this conversation, I think, to really help again, you don’t have control over the time that the admissions officers have. You really just have to worry about yourself and putting your best foot forward.

And hoping that you’re, the essay that you do present with them compliments that are already compelling application that you have. Um,

Lydia: so another question that we have is, do you have any advice for students that really struggle to figure out what it is that they want to write about and maybe don’t feel confident getting started?

Yeah, I think getting started. Sometimes can just be the most challenging piece of this whole thing. Um, I’ve worked with students now with CollegeAdvisor who seem to struggle a little bit with that. Uh, I think there are so many great exercises that students can have. Um, I think they’re, first of all, if you look, if you literally just search Google or on Google and say, like, You know, tips to start writing my college person statement.

There’ll be like a barrage of, you know, ideas. Uh, I think just taking a look at the common app essay prompts, I think there’s. I sometimes I think there’s six with choose your own or choose your own is one of the six, but there’s at least six, um, uh, essay questions and just read them and see what immediately jumps out to you and just like, take notes, like make bullets.

So if the essay question says, write about, um, something that captures your intention and you just can’t like, stop thinking about it. Whatever comes to mind, it could be like your favorite Marvel movie. It could be, um, you know, the Detroit Lions football team. I’m biasing from Detroit. It could be, you know, it could be anything.

Um, going to the grocery store with your mom. Like, you know, maybe your AP bio is just, Whipping your butt and you’re like, I can’t stop thinking about that. Or maybe you saw a commercial on television about, you know, this invention and you can’t stop thinking about it. Literally whatever comes to your mind, like don’t think that even if you say, okay, 30 seconds and I’m going to just write whatever comes to mind.

It does not have to be complete, complete sentences. It can be bullets. So literally, I think starting with looking at the essay questions and just jotting down, not worried about spelling and sentence structure and complete sentences, just jot it down. I think that could be helpful. In other ways, there are so many great vignettes.

Such as Uh, describing your day or talking about your favorite food or talking about your favorite person or talking about what you love about yourself, like just thinking about those. Um, you know, those types of questions I think can really get the juices flowing and a strategy to is if you feel like you’re a much better orator than writer, because sometimes is really the idea of putting pen to paper or.

fingers to keys. Use the voice memo function. I don’t know. I have an iPhone. I’m not sure what it looks like on Android, but use whatever voice memo or recording function. Record yourself speaking out what you would say, you know, just start talking to yourself, you know, record yourself saying it because you can, there’s so many platforms, whether it’s Otter, Zoom, Maybe chat GPT, not sure where you can like upload your voice and it will translate it, you know, for you.

And then you can have some words on the page. So I really think there’s just so many creative ways. Again, record yourself responding to these questions. Um, look at the common app questions and just jot down first things that come to mind. Just like have each question as their own Google doc page and just bullet point, bullet point, bullet point, give yourself 30 seconds to just get it all out.

I think that could be helpful. Also just thinking about your day. You know what you like to eat what just describe your day Um, I think so often students overthink because they’re like I gotta write the best essay the best essay topic They’ve never heard about I need to win them over I need them to see that I deserve to be at this school And I just think it puts so much undue pressure on students.

Uh, so those are some of the tips and recommendations I have um Oh one actually forgot this one There is a community and village of people who love you, who know you, teachers, moms, parents, siblings, um, brainstorm with them, get some time on, you know, your mom’s calendar and brainstorm with her. Um, ask your teacher if they can support kind of starting your process.

So Also lean on the people who’s around you. I think that can also be really, really helpful as well.

Lydia: Definitely. And I think that’s a great segue. Um, so CollegeAdvisor, like I was talking about earlier, has a team of over 300 former admissions officers and admissions experts who are ready to help you and your family navigate the college admissions process and one on one advising sessions.

And as I mentioned earlier, we have an essay review team. Who can be great to provide you with feedback on the essays that you’re working on or help you get started. We’ve already helped over 6, 000 clients in their college journeys, and after analyzing our 2021 to 2023 data, we found that CollegeAdvisor students are 3.

6 times more likely to get into Stanford, 4. 1 times more likely to get into Vanderbilt, and 2. 7 times more likely to get into Harvard. So increase your odds. and take the next step in your college admissions journey by signing up for a free 45 to 60 minute strategy session with an admission specialist on our team using the QR code on the screen.

During this meeting, you’ll receive a preliminary assessment on your academic profile, along with some initial recommendations. And at the end, you’ll also learn more about the premium packages that we offer that pair you with an expert who can support you in building your college list, editing your essays, and much more.

Now we’ll get back into the Q and A. So another question that we’ve got is how can a student write a compelling essay, even if their topic is pretty common, for example, about COVID 19 or their parents divorce or sports?

Yeah. I mean, I will for students and any writing about any of those three topics, COVID 19, divorce or sports.

I would ask them to think about why. Why those particular topics, um, what they hope the reader will learn, um, what the intention behind it, you know, what, what are they trying to communicate? Because I think those three topics in particular, um, COVID 19, you know, Especially in 20 from 2020 to 2022. I felt particularly we got a lot of students writing about COVID 19.

Naturally, we were, you know, in the thick of, um, the pandemic, it’s still a pandemic, by the way, but we’re still in the thick of the pandemic and, um, it was affecting all of us in really important ways. Um, so much that, you know, the comment of added a COVID 19 question. Um, there are still ways that COVID 19 affects us.

Now, um, things that happened in the past, some people have lost, you know, loved ones and et cetera. Um, but I would just ask students to kind of think about what they hope to communicate and if there are other topics that might, they could, could drive home the same message, you know, similar with sports.

You know, a student wants to show that, you know, when they’re knocked down, they get back up and they might show that literally being knocked down on football team or literally, you know, or figuratively. Um, when they were cut from the football team, right? Um, but are there other examples where they can communicate those values?

Um, so that that’s one thing. Another thing is, and I said this earlier, sometimes students are too consumed about what other people are doing. And yes, sports is a very popular topic that is often listed as like, please don’t, you know, we get, we read every sports essay that you could think of. At one point, I was very much saying, telling students, like, don’t write about sports.

However, I’ve, you know, worked with enough students, you know, encounter enough students where, you know, they’re like, They have been training, you know, with the hockey team, hockey for hockey since they were five years old. You know, they’re on a national, in some cases, international team. It is very important to them.

And I don’t think it’s, it’s appropriate to say like, no, absolutely not. You cannot. Um, but you want to, again, talk about imagery, talk about vivid, talk about the day in the life, talk about what you’ve learned, talked about specific experiences, talk about motivations, talk about aspirations. Use hockey as a metaphor for something else in your life.

Um, I’m using hockey as a sport. So there’s ways to do it. Um, will admissions officer, you know, probably read several essays about sports in their pile of applications? Yes. Will they probably read several essays about Divorce probably yes, I think divorce is interesting too because I you know can see how divorce could really shape someone’s life But also a divorce as it could be come an essay about someone’s parents or guardians and you know as I mentioned earlier It’s so important that you write an essay about yourself And also when it comes to divorce, I do think it gets to into the territory of like, do your parents know you write about them?

You know, um, so making sure you’re mindful about, um, whose stories you’re telling in your essay and whether or not it’s appropriate. So, uh, a divorce essay, I would, I would, I would be cautious, uh, for a student to write about it. I think there could be potential other topics that can drive home similar points about having to bounce back and et cetera.

And then COVID 19. Again, unless it is really significant. I mean, I, there were students who wrote like, Oh, I went online. I was digital and I never got to go to prom. And as much as I’m very sad about that, because that makes me sad, you and everybody else, like, you know, it was an experience everyone had, frankly, during that time.

So there was nothing particularly kind of unique about that experience. And in 2024, um, some of those, like it was disrupted to my education. Yes, for most people, it was. It was. It was hard. Yes, for a lot of people was learning online was difficult. Yes, for most people it was so I really need to, you know, I would just have students think twice about writing in those particular topics.

Um, because I think there could be potentially better topics that could drive home some of the points or arguments that they’re trying to make.

Lydia: Yeah, I definitely think that’s accurate. And I like what she said about, um, you know, Not necessarily telling a student not to write about a certain topic just because other people will discuss it because like you said, you know, there are students that may have spent their entire life learning how to play soccer or playing basketball, even though there are millions of kids across the country that also play soccer also play basketball.

Um, so you definitely want to write about something that. feels authentic to who you are and what you care about. But I think the best advice is to think about, okay, even if it’s a topic that is incredibly common or that millions of other kids could talk about, um, what about this experience makes it specific to you and you have to, I think that’s what makes it a little bit more challenging is when you’re talking about something that has happened to millions or thousands of other people.

Um, You have to be a lot more intentional about the details that you include and especially the reflection that you provide, um, so that it feels specific to your story and not something that they’ve read a million times over. I think that’s especially true, like you said, Aya, with COVID. you said, Aya, with COVID.

So many students that didn’t have their prom or had to, you know, struggle through school because of COVID 19, but you need to be really specific about what, not only what it is that you learned, but how did you apply what you learned in a way that is specific to your life? Um, because so many students may have struggled with, you know, With virtual learning, and many students may have learned how to, you know, improve their study habits because of that, but that in and of itself is not specific enough to you in particular.

So, just being creative about that. Okay. So, thank you so much, Aya, for teaching us so much about essays. I always love doing this webinar with you because I always feel like I learn so much. for the question. Just hear such an interesting perspective, and I hope that everyone at home feels the same. Thank you so much for coming out.

Thank you.

Lydia: And as a reminder, um, so we have plenty of webinars that are taking place for the rest of the month of September. Um, so I hope that you can join us again later this month. Um, we have plenty in store for you, so feel free to check our website to join us again later in the month of September.

That’s the end of our webinar. We had a great time telling you about Admissions Officer Advice: Making Your Essay Shine, and please be sure to join us again. Have a good night. Bye. Good night

everyone. Take

Lydia: care. Good luck!