Admissions Officer Advice: Making Your Essays Shine

Webinar Transcription

2025-09-25-Making Your Essays Shine

Anna: [00:00:00] Hello everyone. Welcome to our webinar on, “Making Your Essays Shine!” My name is Anna Vande Velde. I’ll be your moderator today. I’m a senior advisor with CollegeAdvisor, have been with the company for over four years now. In addition to working with students one-on-one, I’m a co-captain of our essay review team.

Anna: So I love talking about essays. To orient everyone with webinar timing, we’re gonna start off with a presentation. Then answer your questions in a live q and a on the sidebar, you can download our slides, uh, so you can follow along that way if you’d like, and you can look back at them later. You can also start submitting questions in the q and a tab at any point.

Anna: We’ll get to as many of them as we can after the presentation. [00:01:00] I am very excited to introduce to you our presenter for tonight, Dr. Aya Waller-Bey. Uh, Dr. Aya, could you share a bit about your background with folks? 

Aya: Absolutely. Hi everyone. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening depending on where you are in the world.

Aya: I am Dr. Aya Waller-Bey, and I will be presenting, um, and talking to you all about, um, making your essay shine. So, a little bit about me. I’d like to start off and always say I’m a proud first generation college student, which means I was the first person in my family to graduate with a four year degree.

Aya: Born and raised in the beautiful city of Detroit, Michigan. So I went to Georgetown University for undergrad where I studied sociology. And after graduating I became an admissions officer and coordinator of multicultural recruitment. Um, after my tenure there, I went across the pond to England where I got my master’s in Philosophy of Education at the University of Cambridge, um, as a re a recipient of the Gates Cambridge Scholarship and became an alumni [00:02:00] interviewer for Georgetown.

Aya: During my time over there, I just recently finished my PhD in sociology at the University of Michigan Go Blue, where I got to study college admissions essays. So I have a lot of experience supporting young people in the essay writing process, essay generating process, and it’s, you know, super, it’s super exciting to be able to talk about the essay and to answer your questions at the end of our conversation.

Aya: So thank you all so much for joining, uh, tonight, and I look forward to our conversation later. 

Anna: Great, thank you. Before we get into your presentation, I thought it might help us all get a sense of who’s joining us. Uh, so I’m gonna open this poll. Please respond, let us know what grade you are in. If you’re here as a support person, um, feel free to select other.

Anna: And while we wait for your responses, Dr. Aya, I was wondering if I could put you on the spot. Um, do you mind sharing what your personal statement, which, if you’re not familiar with that term, is [00:03:00] the main essay you’ll write for your college applications? Do you mind sharing what your personal statement was about and what you think made it shine?

Aya: I mean, that’s quite the interesting question given, uh, my research about trauma in college admissions essay. So I won’t go into detail exactly what my essay, uh, was about, but it was something incredibly. Personal, um, and an experience I had to overcome after having a very difficult kind of moment in my childhood.

Aya: Um, and I just kind of talked about how the city that I love Detroit has such a poor, uh, reputation and rep, uh, representation in the media. And how despite that, um, I was able to, um, kind of continue to persist and overcome challenges and struggles that I endure in my childhood. So, um, in hindsight, I perhaps would’ve written a, a different type of essay that did not lean into to struggle and trauma in that particular way.

Aya: Um, but I think what one of the aspects that I think [00:04:00] were, was really significant was the, the vulnerability. Um, and making sure that I articulated not what I had to go through, but how I came out on the other side, which we’ll talk a little bit more about in our conversation. 

Anna: Thank you so much. And just so you know, joining us, uh, we have about 10% in 10th grade, 15% in 11th, 40% in 12th.

Anna: So they’re probably right in the essay writing phase of the process. And then 35% said others. So, uh, likely parents, guardians, educators, uh, we’re happy you’re all here. Thanks for joining us. I’m gonna close the poll and then turn it over to you, Dr. Aya, to get us started. 

Aya: Fantastic. All right, so let’s dive right in.

Aya: So, first and foremost. What are the essays that you have to write about, uh, for your college application? So there are three primary essays [00:05:00] that students encounter in the admissions process. The first, and that’s probably the one you hear most about is the college personal statement. So it’s an essay submitted to colleges, universities that showcase your writing, your student voice, add, you know, context and depth to your application.

Aya: So, personal statement, if you’re applying via the common app, 650 words, you choose, you know, one outta seven topics and you respond, you know, appropriately to that. There’s also what we call supplemental essays. These are. Additional essays that are school or college specific, um, that really invite students to write about a variety of topics.

Aya: You know, one of the more kind of popular supplemental essay topics is the why essay. Like, why are you interested in this particular university or college or major? Okay. So unlike the personal statement, supplemental essays are required only by some colleges and universities, and they’re often used, so admissions officers and universities can hear how students or learn how students are thinking [00:06:00] about fit.

Aya: Why is that university a good fit for them? And then last but not least, our scholarship essays. So less common for the college application process. For some schools, you are writing scholarship essays in the onset, but the majority of the schools, that’s usually not the case. But students may write an additional essay for merit-based scholarships or grants, so they may be invited to write that, or they may, um, you know, apply for external funding or external scholarships and produce scholar scholarship essays for those opportunities as well.

Aya: So what is significant about the college admissions essay, which again, a very popular question. Well, it really adds a unique touch, right? The college essay is one of the few opportunities in the application that you are speaking directly to admissions officers, right? They get to hear from you. It also provides an opportunity to tell your story in your own words.

Aya: It adds. Qualitative information to your application, and it provides additional context about [00:07:00] your background, your identity, passions, and circumstances. So it’s a really, oppor a really great opportunity to say, I have a letter of recommendation from a counselor. I have a letter of recommendation from a teacher.

Aya: Those words are coming directly from them, right? Um, you have your transcript, which is kind of fixed in time, right? You can’t go back in time and change that transcript. So you have all these other components that are generally written by other people or written about you. So the essay is an opportunity for you to write about yourself and for admissions officers get to know a little bit, a little bit more about you.

Aya: So it provides context, it adds depth, it adds color right to the application. Now what factors make for a great essay, right? How can students stand out? And this is something that we get all the time. Students often kind of think about themselves in relationship to others, and they’re always comparing, how can I stand out from that kid who lives on my block or the people who attend my school?

Aya: So a great college essay prevents presents information [00:08:00] and ideas in a focused and thoughtful manner, right? So you’re focused on a particular topic and you’re thoughtful about it. It uses specific concrete examples to convey points focusing on the present and near past. And I really emphasize specific and concrete examples because sometimes students think about their experiences very vaguely or they might take for granted, um, that the audience, so what the audience knows about their topic or them, right?

Aya: So when you’re writing an essay, sometimes you have to over-explain because the admissions officers who range in age. Backgrounds, creed, et cetera, may not be familiar with the term you use colloquially, or that song you think everyone knows. So, you know, you just wanna be mindful about that. Uh, a great essay also tells admissions officers about who the student is, personal triumphs, challenges, leadership experiences outside the classroom or inside.

Aya: So, not exclusively outside, but it really tells the admissions officers and universities a little bit about [00:09:00] you. Of course, it demonstrates good use of grammar, right? That’s a, a, a given and then ensures that the essay answer the question very, very important. This is especially important in supplements or supplemental essays where there’s often a very specific question, you know, why are you interested, interested in this major?

Aya: What will you do with this major once you, you know, you know, graduate from college or graduate from a university? So you really want to make sure you’re answering. The question. So, additionally, a great college essay also effectively describes how the experience detailed has led to personal growth or understanding of belongingness in a way that really demonstrates proficiency, character, and open-mindedness, right?

Aya: So you really want to, again, details, details are so important because the admissions officers, they don’t know you, they don’t know who you are. So this is an opportunity for you to provide some substantial details and stories about who you are that really demonstrate your growth, right? A great college essay also ensures that [00:10:00] they, it reflects your student voice, you know, again, essay should be polished.

Aya: They should be free of major grammatical error and typos, but they should, um, have a sense that a student wrote it, right? It should not sound like you wrote the s uh, that a parent wrote the essay or professor wrote the essay. Right? And I recognize there are various levels of. Kind of talent and skill in essay writing.

Aya: I was just talking with Anna earlier about, um, how students write. You know, there’s some really strong writers who are very thoughtful and there’s some students who, who need a bit work, you know, more work. So we recognize that students have various skill sets, but you know. There’s a difference between a professor writing and an essay and a high school senior.

Aya: So just wanna make sure your voice is reflected. Also using, again, specific concrete examples. I cannot emphasize that enough because sometimes they, students might lean into, uh, a certain type of pros that allows them to zoom out, um, and kind of, uh, vaguely describe experiences. And we really wanna make sure that you’re setting the stage that [00:11:00] you are appealing to the senses of the readers.

Aya: So in thinking about some common mistakes to avoid in college essays, you really wanna avoid writing essays that focus solely on other people, right? So a common thing that we see students might say, you know, I really want to become a doctor because my grandmother was a doctor. Right? But the entire essay is written about grandma.

Aya: So the points that the admissions officer say, let’s make grandma to the school, right? So you really wanna make sure that you are centered in the essay. So the story of the grandparent, um, or a parent, or a cousin or whomever. Make sure it centers your personal experience, um, how you responded, how you reacted.

Aya: The personal statement should be about you. You also wanna avoid writing essays about overly common or controversial topics such as sports and politics. And I say this with the asterisk, right? You know, we often encounter young people who’ve dedicated their entire kind of childhoods or K through 12 experience in a sport or an activity that’s very, very, very, very important to [00:12:00] them.

Aya: So it’s not a hard, fast rule to say, never ever write about, you know, playing football or taking the game, winning shot, or being cut from the swim team. It just know that universities and admissions officers have seen thousands of those essays. So when thinking about standing out or making your essay shine, there’s very few kind of versions of that essay that admissions officers, you know, would not have encountered already.

Aya: So just keep that in mind. I also say a asterisk with politics because say you are applying to. A school like my alma mater, Georgetown University in the heart of Washington, DC where students do have political aspirations. So talking about politics in a way that talks about what they hope to study long-term goals may be appropriate in that essay.

Aya: Right? So it’s all about context, but just keep in mind making, you know, hard, fast claims about, you know, political identities of different parties and writing very partisan essays may not be appropriate. Also, there are humans reading your essays. You do not know what their backgrounds [00:13:00] are, so you just wanna be mindful not to offend or make assumptions about the people reading your essays.

Aya: Okay? Also, again, writing essays that read, uh, like they were written by a college professor. So, you know, using at the soars, overly use of the the soars is something that we see quite a bit. Um, or sometimes students’ voices are edited out by parents or teachers or counselors or advisors. So again, you really wanna be mindful of that and making sure it’s your voice that admissions officers read.

Aya: Mentioning experiences without describing them. I’ll give some examples later in the presentation. We often talk about the difference between showing versus telling. Uh, and I’ve been encountering some essays, right? Tis the season of admission. So I’m seeing a lot of students write about their experiences and some of them are mentioning them, but they don’t really go into detail and describe them for the reader.

Aya: So again, I’ll talk a little bit more about that later. Name it a university or college in the personal statement. Common mistake. Students are writing, you know, essays, um, for 10 schools, 12 schools, some case 20 universities, right? [00:14:00] So sometimes they might get to drop in a university, but that is not appropriate for the common app personal statement.

Aya: ’cause that one essay goes to all the schools on your list. So you don’t wanna identify a specific school. Okay? Um, complex synthesis that could be written in multiple smaller syntheses. I see this a lot. I see paragraphs, um, that are one sentence. Right. So, you know, students are sometimes throwing so much information in there.

Aya: The m dash has become quite popular. I’ve seen a lot of, uh, colons and essays. So just be mindful of punctuation. Um, someone shouldn’t like, run out of air trying to read one paragraph. Okay. Pass a voice. You know, whenever possible students often, you know, have had, you know, using passive voice. So thinking about how to write actively about experiences is really important and it helps you meet the word count.

Aya: And then last but not least, a common mistake to avoid is the use of AI artificial tools to write your entire essay. Um, you [00:15:00] have a story, you have a narrative, you have a writing style that we really wanna see, and it’s something you should embrace. Like no one can write better about you, um, than you can.

Aya: And I know it is so tempting to use resources to completely write your own essay. Um, so there’s a difference from using these various resources to proofread or make sure things are not misspelled, but you should not be using, um, AI or chat box to write your entire essay. The essay should be coming from you.

Aya: And as we read more of those types of essays, I personally can spot them out. Um, but you know, just keep that in mind. They want you to write your own essay. Um, and that’s just really important. Also, integrity is very, very important, and not only college admissions, but in our lives as people. So thinking about how students write creatively about themselves, uh, while still being clear and concise, you, there’s balance, right?

Aya: Again, you are using specific concrete examples. You’re conveying your points, you’re [00:16:00] focusing on the present and your past. Um, but you wanna limit flowering abstract language that does not communicate substantive meaning. Right. I understand there’s so many writing styles. There’s diversity, there’s different types of prose, right?

Aya: I love, you know, um, the way, you know, Aton Morrison writes a novel, right? But you definitely wanna make sure it’s clear. Again, the readers don’t know you, uh, you know, so they’re trying to get to know you so they don’t know you. So you just wanna be mindful of that, right? You can incorporate elements of your culture, including language or expressions that reflect distinct cultural experiences.

Aya: I think that’s really, you know, fun when students do that. Keeping in mind if you speak another language and you wanna incorporate another language that is in English, if you’re applying to English speaking institutions, making sure you translate, or there’s some type of, uh, it’s clear what you’re saying and whatever language you use or whatever might be culturally important to you.

Aya: And I, and I mentioned colloquialisms earlier, there are times when those are appropriate. But you just need to make sure that you’re explaining them well enough so the reader [00:17:00] understands. Also, try to define less well known terms or expressions. You know, I just kind of talked a little bit about that, but everything doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone.

Aya: So just making sure you are defining things in your essay. So that really helps you be clear and concise. So in thinking about strategies to edit your essays, um, you know, one of the features that I, I use in my writing and, and I’m someone who, who’s writing a lot, um, quite often, right? I just wrote a, you know, almost 300 word dissertation.

Aya: I use the read aloud feature on Microsoft Word. Sometimes I just get exhausted and get tired of reading with my eyes. So I use that feature and it plays it back to me and I can hear typos or synthesis that sound too long or things that are misspelled or don’t make sense, proofread, right? Um, and proofread can happen from you.

Aya: Um, there are resources like Grammarly. You have. You know, parents, guardians, teachers, siblings, people you trust. Um, and a good example of why proofreading, uh, is important is this one here. [00:18:00] So say the essay says, I enjoy torturing animals. I have volunteered torturing animals at a local shelter since eighth grade, and the experience has solidified my desire to become a veterinarian.

Aya: I don’t think the student meant to write, they enjoyed torturing animals. They probably meant that they enjoyed training animals, but torturing is spelled correctly here, so they did not pick it up. So that’s something to keep in mind. Um. Also after finishing a draft, take 24 hours before reviewing it again.

Aya: You know, give yourself some time, um, to review it because you know, you get overwhelmed, especially if you are waiting till the last minute, which is why. Please, please, please, please try to avoid procrastinating as much as possible. If you can finish a essay a week before the deadline and get time to sleep on it, to look at it with a fresh pair of eyes in the morning or the, the next morning, I think it is worthwhile.

Aya: Also have a teacher, a counselor, or someone you trust, review the statement. I think that is [00:19:00] a, a really great way, um, to get some feedback and really hear how others might hear, like, interpret or understand what you are talking about. I know for a lot of my students, I’ll have the, during our meetings, I’ll have them read their essays out loud, um, and I’ll read along with them as they say it audibly.

Aya: Um, and then I ask the students often. What do you want the admissions officer or the reader to walk away knowing about you from this essay? What are you trying to convey? And I ask them to say it in layman’s terms, like, just plainly, because you might have a vision or you might think your essay is saying one thing or portraying you know, your, your background or identity or experiences in one way, but it might come off completely different to a reader or someone who does not know who you are.

Aya: So again, really leaning into your advisors, your mentors, your teachers, your parents, guardians, or someone you trust, which is really important. Um, having them review your statement can really help you edit, uh, the essay effectively. [00:20:00] So this is a very popular question that we often get here at CollegeAdvisor, where we’re asked about what essays that have stood out to us.

Aya: And I often say essays that are really reflective essays that reflect students’ ambition and growth, right? So essays that give more insight into your why, what you think your purpose is. And that could be from a lived experience, an educational experience, a challenge, a professional experience, um, co a conversation, right?

Aya: Um, essays that highlight student tenacity, right? So thinking about, um. How students kind of reflect on things they had to overcome. And I don’t mean trauma or struggle and like the literal sense. And I think sometimes students feel like that is the type of narrative or stories that universities and admissions officers want to read.

Aya: And I’ll tell you this, as someone who studied trauma narratives and interviewed admissions officers at selective universities and interview undergraduate students at selective universities, I understand this tension about how to be [00:21:00] vulnerable, how to talk about my story and my life to feel seen and feel valued and understood.

Aya: But I just want to remind you that the admissions officers I talked to often said that they did not want students to feel like they had to write about their trauma or their pain. Okay? So I want you to feel empowered to, uh, write about whatever you feel is appropriate. Okay? It’s, uh, a personal statement is not a diary.

Aya: Um, so additionally, essays that paint colorful photos of the human experience. And what I mean by that is I think about some of the, the stories of I’ve encountered of young people who have jobs, right? And these are jobs. Working at a barista as a barista at a local coffee shop or at Jimmy John’s or a clothing store.

Aya: I’m not saying someone who has to in, you know, had an internship at the top hospital in the world or help their, you know, uncle during an internship at Goldman Sachs in high school. I’m just talking about just camp counselors, swim coaches. I think stu um, young people who kind of can paint this colorful experience or colorful [00:22:00] photo of the human experience.

Aya: Those essays always really kind of stand out to me. Um, so those are just some examples of essays that have stood out and, and you see the emphasis stood out to me. We all enter and we being admissions officers and those who do college advising, we enter these conversations with our own set of backgrounds and experiences.

Aya: So different things might resonate to us differently, but these are some of the examples or essays kind of ideas or topics, broadly speaking that have stood out to me.

Aya: All right. So in thinking about final tips, um, again, emphasizing show, don’t tell, right? So instead of, I learned a lot volunteering at the Cleveland Animal Shelter, okay, try while feeding the sick puppies with the other shelter volunteers, I learned the importance of teamwork and compassion, right? So here, um, you we’re learning what you were doing, right?

Aya: The actual act. [00:23:00] Um, we, we also are hearing like what you learned and like through what, through the means. Like how did you learn this thing? And you kind of demonstrate this here. So being more specific, being more detailed is really, really important. Sharing lessons, learned detail, how the experiences you write about inform your future and the type of student you’ll be in in college, right?

Aya: Like, how, what else happened? How did you come on the other side of this, right? Sharing lessons learned is really, really important. Also proofread. I talked about that I limp earlier. Again, use the read aloud feature on words. Talk to parents, teachers, counselors, friends, those you trust. Ha you know, finish your essays in enough time so you can sleep on it for a few days.

Aya: That’s really important. And also tell your story, right? Write about your own experiences, not someone else’s. Admissions officers or universities are trying to find ways to admit you, right? They’re not trying to admit your grandmother or someone who of course might have inspired you or might be really [00:24:00] important to you.

Aya: They really want to admit you. So just making sure that you are writing about your own experiences and not solely someone else’s.

Anna: Thank you Dr. Aya. That is the end of the presentation, part of the webinar. We hope you found this information helpful. Remember, you can download the slides from the link in the handouts tab, uh, so you can refer back to them. I should have also said at the start that this is being recorded and the recording will be emailed to you afterwards, uh, so you can listen back in.

Anna: Moving on to the live q and a. I’ve been reading through questions you’ve, you’re submitting in the chat and ones you submitted when you registered. Uh, keep the questions coming in the q and a tab. As we get to each one, I will paste it into the public chat so everyone can see them, and I’ll also read them out loud so everyone can hear the question.

Anna: As a heads up, if your q and a tab isn’t letting you submit questions, [00:25:00] just double check that you join the webinar through the custom link in your email. Not from the webinar landing page, so you might need to close out. Go to your email, click that link to hop back in. But remember, this is being recorded, so if you have to do that, you will not miss anything.

Anna: All right, ready for our first question, Dr. Aya? It is, should the essay relate directly to what I want to study or can it be focused on something else? 

Aya: That’s a great question. Um, firstly, it depends on what the prompt is. So if the essay is asking you about your motivations or inspirations or how you’ve kind of come to a particular interest, then sure you can write about what your aspirations or and goals are.

Aya: Um, but if, if the prompt is inviting you to just kind of talk about an experience, you can write about anything for your personal statement. So you do not have to connect your personal statement to your academic interests. You [00:26:00] can write about anything. Okay? There could be other opportunities including supplemental essays or maybe the list, your activities list or resume might already talk about what you’re interested in as far as academic interest.

Aya: So, short answer, no, your personal statement does not have to be about academic interest or your intended nature or your even your future professional goals. 

Anna: Um, thank you. This question is related. So we heard you say that you don’t need to write about your career aspirations. What advice do you have for students who are undecided on what they want to study with their essays?

Aya: So, okay, so the question is the, you do not have to kind of write about an academic interest. So if you are undecided, that is perfectly okay. Um, you can, again, choose to write about anything. Now, if there is a question, like a supplemental, uh, [00:27:00] essay that asks, talk to us about your major of choice, um, oftentimes they’ll have an additional prompt.

Aya: If you are undecided, talk to us about, you know, some interests you might have. So it’s okay to be undecided. I actually was technically an undecided major when I started at Georgetown, so it’s okay to be undecided. Sometimes the schools will actually give students a space to kind of talk about that. And as you think about what type of major you may have interest in.

Aya: I often tell students to reflect on like what their fa favorite subjects are. What, how do they find themselves spending their time when they’re not in the classroom? What piques their curiosity? There’s often little tidbits that expose what a student might actually be interested in. Um, so again, it’s okay if you don’t have a major in mind.

Aya: It’s okay if you’re undecided. It’s okay if you’re undeclared. You don’t have to write an essay about your academic interests. And if you are asked to write about it, think about things that you enjoy. Think about subjects you do, do or perform well in. Um, [00:28:00] and start, start from there. Great advice. 

Anna: Thanks. Is it okay for students to go over the word count limit, um, in, yeah, I think that that’s the full question.

Anna: Is it okay to go over the word count limit? 

Aya: No, the word limit is 650 words. Um, for the personal statement, you know, 651 words, that last word will be cut off. So you do want to write, um, a respond appropriately, appropriately to the, the essay prompt. And that includes meeting the word count or writing underneath that word count.

Aya: But that is a ceiling and it’s a hard cutoff. So, um, we encourage students, say if the word kind of 650, you know, stay within like the a hundred words. So even if you, your essay happens to be 550 words, that’s okay. If it’s 600 words, that’s okay. But please do not go over a word count because you, we don’t wanna, you know, read a essay and, you know, half of it is cut off because the, um, the student has exceeded the word count.[00:29:00] 

Anna: Yes. Oh. Or it’d be so sad you’ve worked so hard on your essay, and then the admissions officer doesn’t see the last. Two words or something that would be really sad. Um, you, you started to, to talk about if your essay is shorter than six 50. Do you think there’s a length that is just too short for the personal statement?

Aya: I do actually. I, I think if the essay limit is six 50, I think anything under 500 um, feels a bit short. So you do wanna maximize the space. Again, you don’t have to write 649 words, you don’t have to write 650 words. But I think same within the, uh, the hundred word account for that personal statement, I think, you know, trying to write over 500 words is appropriate.

Aya: That’s what I would say. Yeah, I, I 

Anna: agree. I find when essays are below 500 words, there’s just, I have more questions as a reader that I feel like the student could really, um, expand upon and, and bring more context for who they are to the essay. [00:30:00] Um, our next question says, uh, I understand that admissions officers have very limited time to read each essay.

Anna: Is it important to draw attention in the first paragraph, and if so, what’s your tip for how to do that? 

Aya: Yeah, you know, that’s what we call the hook. Um, students are often receiving advice about how to capture the admissions officer’s attention. In the first paragraph, the first few sentences or that last sentence of the first paragraph, we call it a hook.

Aya: It’s something that would keep the person interested or wanting to know more. They’re usually like cliffhangers or these very poignant synthesis that, you know, encourages or invites the reader to, to want to know more. Um, so that’s, that’s often an approach that students use. Um, sometimes students do either like the inverted triangle where they either start very broad, um, and then the [00:31:00] last sentence in that first paragraph might signal what the essay is going to be about, but you really don’t know yet.

Aya: So it forces you to keep reading. So we often see that strategy as well. So thinking big and then zooming in, or you have the, the pyramid, you know, style where. You start a very narrow and you zoom out. And in both ways, students are using hooks is what we call them to capture the reader’s attention. And that can look again, there’s stu some too.

Aya: Sometimes students use quotes. Sometimes they, you, you know, there might be an expression that they heard growing up. You know, growing up my dad always said, you know, to never eat your vegetables. Right? And you might say like, huh, like, that’s often, you know, antithetical to the advice a student might get and that makes you wanna know more, right?

Aya: So there’s all types of creative ways that young people have hooks, but admissions officers don’t have a lot of time to read essays. But from my experience, I actually read every essay that I, that I received that was a part of a complete application. Um, so you want the entire essay to, to capture, [00:32:00] um, the admissions officer.

Aya: So, you know, you don’t just want the, the p first paragraph to be that, but the hook, um, is a great way to invite the reader to want to get to know more, um, and just make sure that they are kind of engaged at, on the onset. Uh, yeah, 

Anna: lots, lots to talk about with the hook. Um, how much time, I know you said you read all the essays.

Anna: How much time do you think admissions officers spend reading the personal statement? 

Aya: That’s a great question. I, I can’t really give a time. I mean, some are written stylistically, like a recipe. Some are written in traditional five paragraph high school essay pros style. It, it really depends. Some are just easier to, to read than others for a host of reasons.

Aya: Um, so I can’t pinpoint how long it took to, to read a, a essay, unfortunately. 

Anna: Yeah, no, um, no worries. Um, do you think there are [00:33:00] appropriate uses of AI for students when they’re working on their essays? 

Aya: Yes, I, I think I mentioned a few in the earlier conversation. I think sometimes students use it to proofread just to like, you know, prompt it to, you know, catch typos or things that might be, um.

Aya: You know, misspelled if they, you know, can’t catch it traditionally. And through a proofreading process, some students have used AI to outline, you know, they’ll say like, these are the topics that I’m thinking about. This is, um, this is how I’m thinking about this particular experience. Can you help me draft an outline?

Aya: Um, or the reverse outline approach of, I wrote this essay. I wanna make sure it’s capturing what I’m saying, um, or what I intend to convey is it actually doing that? So I’ve seen students use those types, uh, of strategies. Again, I just wanna encourage students to try to limit the use of ai, um, particularly in the actual writing of the essay and the crafting.

Aya: You want the language to come from you, you want it to be your [00:34:00] words, your experiences, and not this, uh, a compilation of experiences that AI has collected over time. 

Anna: Yeah. Following up on that, do you know our admissions offices scanning essays for AI generated content? I’ve heard, 

Aya: um, a lot of alleged, um, kind of feedback about that.

Aya: So I can’t say for certain, I’ve heard in o in some conversations that they, they are running them through checkers, and I’ve heard others say they don’t have the time, capacity, re resources or desire because, um, some of those AI checkers can be unreliable. So, um, I don’t think there’s a hard kind of fast rule or a, there’s not a industry adoption of AI checkers just yet from my experience.

Aya: But when in doubt, just make sure you are writing your own essays. 

Anna: Yeah. And you, you mentioned in your last answer how important it’s for a student’s voice to be in the essay. And so if you’re using ai, that’s not your [00:35:00] voice, how can a student know if an essay captures their voice? 

Aya: That’s a great question.

Aya: I think this is when leaning into advisors, um, mentors, teachers, um, asking them to kind of read the essay and say, Hey, you know me, is this capturing me? Is it, is it, what, what are you learning, uh, about me from this essay? What do you hear from this essay? I think that’s a great way to, um, kind of get a, a second opinion, because again, when you’re writing, sometimes it’s easy to get into the weeds, so it’s hard to kind of take a step out of that process.

Aya: Um, so I, I do think asking, calling on the advice of a trusted mentor, friend, parent, colleague, to say like, does this sound like me asking your teacher? Does this sound like me? I think that’s a, a really, a great way to get some feedback on that. 

Anna: Yeah. I also just gave an assignment to one of my students, um, to take a break from her essay and [00:36:00] then, um.

Anna: After about 24 hours to read it out loud and see if any of it feels awkward. If parts of it don’t feel like her voice, then it, that’s not capturing her voice. Right. If it feels awkward saying it and it just doesn’t feel like consistent with who she is, then those are the sections we know we need to really work on, uh, to, to get her voice into it.

Anna: Um, let’s see. What timeline Dr. Aya do you recommend for students working on their college essays? 

Aya: That’s a great question. Um, I think junior year some students actually start writing them in some of their English classes. But I think summer between your junior and senior years where you should be dedicating the majority of a time of crafting that college personal statement, um, and also supplemental essays, um, I think you really wanna maximize not having to write essays while.[00:37:00] 

Aya: Studying for exams while studying for the SAT while leading the, you know, your basketball team. So, um, the summer between your junior, senior year, I think having a good rough draft, August one is actually a really great place to be. And trying to have a finished personal statement, you know, by October one is a really great place to be, especially if you’re applying early action or early decisions.

Aya: So you have November 1st deadlines, you want to get your essays done, the personal savings in particular done as early as possible because if you do have supplemental essays, you won’t be able to, you want to be able to dedicate, um, the appropriate time to complete those as well. ’cause those also will take several rounds of revisions usually.

Aya: So, um, I think starting in the summer, you know, um, having a first rough draft by August one and having a complete, um, kind of personal statement draft by October 1st is a really great place to be. I 

Anna: agree. And I’ll add for our seniors who are here tonight, if you are not in that boat. [00:38:00] That’s okay. It’s gonna be all right.

Anna: You’ll get ’em done. You’re here tonight, which means you are putting in the work you, you’re trying to learn, um, and hopefully getting inspiration for how to get started. Um, Aya, you’ve been going strong for about 40 minutes, so I think I’m gonna give you a little break. Uh, so I can talk just for a few minutes about CollegeAdvisor.

Anna: For those in the room who are not already working with us, we know how overwhelming the admissions process can be. CollegeAdvisor has a team of over 300 former admissions officers and admissions experts who are ready to help you and your family navigate the college admissions process in one-on-one advising sessions.

Anna: We have had 10,000 clients over our lifetime. Uh, we’re proud that we have 4.8 out of five star rating on Trustpilot with over 650 reviews, and after analyzing our data from 2021 to 2024, [00:39:00] we found that strong CollegeAdvisor students, when compared to similarly strong students not working with CollegeAdvisor, were 2.4 times more likely to get into Harvard.

Anna: Almost three times more likely to get into Stanford, and almost two times more likely to get into Princeton. So increase your odds and take the next step in your college admissions journey by signing up for a free 60-minute strategy session with an admission specialist on our team. You can do that by scanning the QR code on the screen.

Anna: During that meeting, you’ll receive a preliminary assessment of your academic profile, along with some initial recommendations on what our team thinks you can do to stand out. At the end, you’ll also learn more about the premium packages we offer that pair you with an expert who can support you in building your college list, editing your essays, and so much more.

Anna: We’re here for the whole process from your starting point to when you have multiple acceptance offers, offers and you’re trying to decide where to go. Uh, we’re here for [00:40:00] the whole journey. We’re gonna return to the q and a. Please keep your questions coming. That QR code’s gonna stay on the screen though.

Anna: Remember, you can also download the slides. The QR code is in there, and the recording will be emailed out. Uh, whatever you do. I just hope you scan that so you can get signed up for that free assessment of your profile, um, and get some initial advice from our team. All right. Back to the questions. What if a student just has no idea what to write about?

Anna: How can they get started? 

Aya: Yeah, I, I think that’s a great question because students definitely experience that. Um, you know, I say first, take a look at the prompts, right? Look at those common app essay prompts. Um, there are seven of them, six that are specific. And I think one is essentially choose your own adventure.

Aya: Um, so looking at those and see if any jumps out to you. You know, um, I [00:41:00] also mentioned earlier, I think there’s ways to kind of talk about perhaps what you might be interested in or what’s your favorite subject, or even broadly, you know, a great place to start is like, just write about, spend like 10 minutes writing about average day, like average day in your shoes, right?

Aya: A day in the life of insert your name and just begin to kind of detail what that looks like, what that experience is. Because oftentimes students are so concerned that their first draft, like won’t be their final draft. So that writer’s block or that like analysis paralysis, hits in, hits or checks in, and students are like, how can I, you know.

Aya: Make sure this is the best essay I’ve ever written in my entire life. ’cause I really need to get into this really good school. And I just think even starting simpler and being more simple in how you think about, just write about an experience, any experience, write about your day, write about your favorite food and why.

Aya: You know, there’s also different resources online, you know, to really generate ideas. But, you know, [00:42:00] start act like ask yourself, what do I love about myself? Write about that for, you know, five minutes. What’s your favorite book and why write about that for a few minutes. I think just kind of thinking about broad questions, even the ones that are not like specific to the essay.

Aya: Um, common up essay questions could really get the juices flowing and once you really start writing, it really allows you to really lean into the process. So I often say write about, you know. What happens when you wake up in the morning? How do you start your day? How do you end your day? What’s your favorite subject in school and why?

Aya: What’s your, who’s your favorite teacher and why? Like really get the, the hang of talking about yourself, I think is a really great way to get those juices flowing. I 

Anna: agree. That first sentence can be the hardest and if you’re able to take some pressure off by saying this, this doesn’t need to be what I submit.

Anna: This doesn’t have to be the final essay, right? Because a good essay is going to involve rounds of editing anyways. Hopefully that [00:43:00] can make just starting a bit simpler, a bit less stressful. Um, do you think that students should change their personal statement based on which college they’re applying to?

Aya: No. I would recommend. Writing one personal statement and submitting it to all the schools on your list. Um, you know, there might be other opportunities like again, the supplemental essays where that, that are school specific or scholarship essays or other types of essays. But I don’t think you should give yourself more work.

Aya: Write that one essay and make sure, send it to all the schools. They’ll read it. Uh, and that’s the expectation. They know that’s what you’re doing. That is what is expected, expected of you. So I would encourage one personal statement, submit it to all the schools on your list that require it. 

Anna: Yes. It’s already enough work.

Anna: Don’t make more for yourself. Yes, exactly. Do you think it’s a good idea to use evidence-based research in your essays? Or is that [00:44:00] expected, like citations and everything? 

Aya: That’s a great question. It’s not expected. Uh, citations are not expected. It’s not common. In most essays that I’ve read, I, I don’t think it’s necessary.

Aya: I would not, um, use citations. It would just take up too much space. It’s not an academic research paper, the personal statement. Um, you might, if you were asked, like if you were writing an essay that talks about like some, you know, one of the prompts is talk about, um, something that you lose track over, like use lose track of time over something along those lines.

Aya: So then maybe you are like, you love engineering, so you just kind of talk about. A book you read about engineering, and you might reference the book in that regard that’s appropriate. But citations, parent parenthetical, citations, attributions, outside of like citing quotes and et cetera, that might be appropriate, but it is not a research paper.

Aya: So just be mindful. And, uh, sometimes we think there are like industry experts or professors reading these essays, but admissions officers [00:45:00] can come from all backs, you know, all walks of life, all types of backgrounds. So you also wanna avoid writing with so much industry jargon or major specific jargon because the admissions officer may not know what that like, you know, multi-syllable molecule is, right?

Aya: So you also wanna think about your audience as largely generalist. So you don’t really wanna, like, lean in, in particular, especially in that personal statement, um, with a lot of jargon or academic research because the, the reader may not even understand that. 

Anna: Right. Yeah. And my concern with bringing in citations is that that maybe means part of your essay is not about you.

Anna: Mm-hmm. It’s about something else. Absolutely. And we want the whole essay to be about you. That’s what, that’s who they’re trying to decide if they want to join their community or not. 

Mm-hmm. 

Anna: How important do you think it is to submit optional supplemental essays? [00:46:00] 

Aya: That’s a really great question. I often say submit them.

Aya: I would submit a optional, I would write an optional essay and submit it. Um, it is optional, but if they give you the option, why not use that time to write more about. Your background or give more context or say more to the admissions officer? You might have me, uh, recall, I had mentioned earlier part in the presentation how the personal statement or essays generally are, you know, some of the, you know, there’s not a lot of opportunities to speak directly to the admissions officers.

Aya: Right. Most of the aspects or components of the application are people writing about you or your, you know, or you know, something that is set in stone such as your transcripts or your test scores and et cetera. So if there’s another opportunity for you to talk a little bit about something else from your background, your identity, your experiences, your interest, I will use that time to, to do it.

Aya: And if it’s optional, like if they give you the option, they would read it. Right. Um, so I would say [00:47:00] write that optional essay. 

Anna: Yeah. Um, I also think it’s a great way to demonstrate you’re serious about applying. Absolutely. Absolutely. To that college you took the time to write the additional optional essay.

Anna: Um, do you think it’s okay to write a supplemental essay about something a student has mentioned in their personal statement? That’s a 

Aya: really good question. I, in most cases, I would say write about something else, um, because they will have already read about said phenomena or experience. However, I put a asterisk because if you reference something for an example, if you were, Hmm.

Aya: Say you like, you had a personal statement and you talked about like how you traveled a lot with your family and one of the reasons why you traveled because your family was in a circus. I know this is a really random example, right? Your family was in a, in a circus and you just kind of talked about how, you know, being in a [00:48:00] circus meant you traveled all over the world.

Aya: Um, but if you wanted a supplemental essay about, uh, a talent that you had, um, and one of the TA talents was like. Fire breathing or juggling, you know, you might write an essay about that particular talent. Uh, again, you were in the circus, but the essay is about the talent and how you, you know, um, really re uh, refine that skillset.

Aya: So it’s a different orientation. Um, I know that was a very outland, outlandish example, but I don’t know why this circus came to mind, but I, I generally, the rule is if you write about an experience in the personal statement, use supplemental essays to write about different experiences because you’re trying to add depth and layers right to the application.

Aya: So you want to add additional information or additional components. That’s the general rule. There are some small caveats, so, but generally just pick another topic. 

Anna: I agree. [00:49:00] Um, I get this question from students a lot. What, if nothing interesting or unique has ever happened in a student’s life, what could they write about?

Aya: I think that’s an essay in itself. Honestly, if you, if you gen, like genuinely believe there’s nothing spectacular about your background, then. I think that could be an essay. Like, why do you feel that way? Um, how can you kind of think about your own lived experience and say, I feel like I’m one of many, like, I don’t.

Aya: That could be literally be an essay in itself. And I love to say we all have quirks or experiences that are unique to us. Even if you grew up or live in a very homogenous background, or even if you went to the, uh, same elementary school to high school as every single person on your block, or even if your family eats dinner at the same time every day of the week, that’s a essay topic, right?

Aya: What does it mean to grow up with that level of routine? What does it mean to grow up with [00:50:00] people who look like you? What does it mean to feel like you don’t have anything that, you know, separates you from your peers? All of those are really reflective, introspective, and potentially really interesting essay topics.

Aya: So I, I like to think. For my students that we’re all individuals. Right. So even if you don’t see yourself as that you are, and you still have a really important story that I, I want you to feel empowered, uh, to tell about yourself. 

Anna: Absolutely. I would also challenge that student a bit. I had a student who said that to me, nothing interesting has happened.

Anna: Nothing unique. Right. And I just started asking questions. Yes. Um, about like, what, how, how do you know what you want to do? Then? Like, where did this come from? Or what moments stood out to you as like, interesting. And they ended up writing this essay, which I thought was really fascinating about how one night at dinner, their dad made an [00:51:00] off-handed comment about how one of their friends had no common sense.

Mm-hmm. 

Anna: Really boring mm-hmm. Moment that probably everyone else at the table forgot. But for my student. Her first thought was, well, what even is common sense? Exactly. And actually what even is sense And started researching that. Right. 

Right. 

Anna: And realized, oh, I think I wanna study philosophy. Um, so if, if that question is coming from a place of feeling like you need some flashy TV worthy story for your essay, we’re here to tell you you don’t.

Anna: Mm-hmm. What’s important is that reflection that, that Dr. Aya was talking about, um, where if you do feel like nothing interesting has happened, tell us about it. How do you feel about it? Reflect Exactly. That’s, that’s what’s important. Exactly. Um, all right. [00:52:00] Looking back to these questions, um, is it okay to discuss failure in an essay or could that make a student look bad?

Anna: No, 

Aya: um, not exactly there. Failure looks differently for different types of students, and, and failure also means different things. Right? Um, I think if you were talking about, you know, failing an exam because you didn’t feel like you studied properly or you had circumstances that made it very difficult for you to do well, and you talk about those circumstances, there might be an inappropriate time for that.

Aya: Generally, we encourage students to talk about, um, when we think about overcoming, um, you do want to make sure that you are speaking to an admissions officer audience. And what I mean by that is. Universities and admissions officers are looking for reasons to admit you. So you do wanna make sure you’re framing your [00:53:00] experiences at ones that, um, that you navigated, that you’ve learned lessons that you’ve come out on the other side.

Aya: So even framing something as a failure versus like a growth opportunity or a challenge, I think is a really important orientation to think about. Um, students talk about challenges that they’ve had, or again, I often see like in sports being cut off from, cut from a team or, um, participating in a competition and not doing well one year and doing better after certain sets of processes or losing, you know, I, there was a student who wrote about like, bodybuilding and they lost a bodybuilding competition and came back to win.

Aya: And so students do talk about challenges or things that they lost. Um, but the word failure, failure in itself, I think just like the reorientation about is like, instead of failing, think about like growth opportunities. Um, ’cause you just want, you want to paint yourself, um. Honestly, and yet like a pos with a positive orientation of possible because they’re looking for students who not only do not, to not only overcome, but also [00:54:00] will be willing to, you know, navigate challenges as they arise once they’re on campus.

Aya: So I do think being sensitive to like using the word failure or even describe and experiences at failure is something to like watch out for and making sure you’re, the orientation behind that is, this is a growth opportunity, this is a lesson learned. Um, and, um, you are applying to college to study academically.

Aya: So academic failures, um, disclosing them may not always be the most appropriate or wisest thing to do. Right. You don’t wanna bring attention to failures or, or, um, particularly if they’re academic based because you are applying to academic institutions. So it’s just something to keep in mind. I wouldn’t.

Aya: Immediately say absolutely no, without more context. But I think the orientation should be lessons learned, growth opportunities. This is how I’ve navigated, um, you know, a situation. 

Anna: Yeah. It sounds like the advice I give my students with a similar question about, can I write about negative [00:55:00] things? Mm-hmm.

Anna: And I think it’s, it’s a framing matter, right? Instead of saying like, I joined the math club and it was terrible. Uh, tell us what you saw. Be more specific. Yeah. And then, and then focus on what you did about it. Right? Like, I, I saw there wasn’t a lot of attendance, so I put up posters or whatever. Um, that can be describing a negative event.

Anna: Uh, but the framing is more positive. Yeah. Uh, we are almost through all of our questions, which is perfect ’cause we’re almost out of time. Uh, someone asked if they could hear a little bit more about your research on trauma in essays, and is that something that they should just not talk about at all? 

Aya: Um, that great question.

Aya: So I do not want to bore you in our last few minutes. So I’ll do a high level synopsis of my work. [00:56:00] Um, I, again, in my tenure as an admissions officer and through my various times working as CollegeAdvisors, college mentors, college consultant, um, and my own personal experience, um, I noticed that students, particularly of racially minoritized backgrounds, underrepresented students, um, were writing essays about pain and trauma.

Aya: And I felt like students with more means, um, or students, you know, from majority populations were got, were right about their passions while other students were right about their pain. So I really wanted to examine and explore that in a great deal. And what I learned is students perceive that there are expectations, especially those who, you know, are black, a low income Latinx, perceive that there is a, you know, innate expectation that to be of their background means that they had to have encountered some trauma and that people want to read about said trauma.

Aya: Um, so I interviewed students and I interviewed admissions officers, and what I learned is, again, students are aware that this expectation exists and they [00:57:00] have various strategies that they employ to respond, to set expectations. So some of the students, as I call them, my researcher, you know, they’re, they play the game.

Aya: You know, they say, if you want me to write about trauma, I’ll disclose it at, you know, I’ll tell you the story. Some students say, absolutely not. I’m gonna resist that expectation. I’m gonna write about something else. I’m gonna write about something that’s positive. I’m gonna write about something that might feel mundane.

Aya: Right? And then you have students who try to play both sides. But all in all, students really want to use whatever tools they have in their toolkit to be admissible as they interrogate. You know, why is that an expectation from of them? So, you know, what I really gathered is. It is, uh, embedded in our college admissions and college application process that trauma and struggle narratives are worthy, uh, and worthwhile, and they help students become, be legible or seen or look, you know, more competitive.

Aya: Um, but admissions officers say that they don’t want students to feel forced or coerce. So this is about agency. This is [00:58:00] about students choosing to write about a topic they want to write about, not because a teacher, a counselor, or media or TikTok is telling them that’s what they have to write about to be seen, to be competitive, to be admissible.

Aya: So all in all, students are definitely hypersensitive and hyper aware even more now because of social media that there is, there’s like this underlying running joke, like everyone wants to write about trauma solve, do it. But students are really starting to push back against that and say, I don’t need to show you my pain, um, to be worthy.

Aya: I’m gonna write and tell a story that I feel like is authentic to my lived experience. That is my lived experience. And not to perpetuate stereotypes about what it means to be black or a woman or underrepresented or from a rural environment, et cetera. So, you know, my, I don’t think students need to entirely say, I’m not gonna write about struggle at all.

Aya: Because if you’ve had a transformational experience that was informed by something you’ve endured and encounter, you have a right to do. So I just want students to feel more informed and more empowered to say, I, no, I’m actually not going to do that. Or I’ll say this, but not this. Like, you don’t [00:59:00] owe anyone your pain, you don’t owe anyone.

Aya: You know your struggle. And I want students to know that they have other options. They can write about positive things, they can write about joy, and they can write about what they love about themselves and not frame it negatively for admissions officers. 

Anna: Yes, it might be the first essay of your life where you really get to choose what it’s about and we want it to feel good.

Anna: Um. I think we have time for one last question. This is maybe the golden question. We get this a lot. How important is the essay compared to SAT scores, grades, full 

Aya: picture? How important is it? Great question, and I actually asked the admissions officers that I studied in my research with this and they said, you know, if five was most important, one being not important at all, they all said a three.

Aya: So if essays are to compliment, they are to add value, they are to give an admissions officer another reason to admit you. Um, but grades are by far the [01:00:00] most important part of the application. It shows your academic progress over time. Um, it’s a written record. Um, so grades are always the transcript. The high school transcript is number one, but if they ask for a essay, that’s because they wanna read it.

Aya: So keep that in mind. 

Anna: Thank you so much, Dr. Aya Waller-Bey. We were so fortunate to have you with us tonight. Thank you for sharing your experience. Thank you. Your research. We appreciate it. Best of luck everyone writing your essays. Um, take good care of yourselves.